Monday, November 11, 2013

(Unproduced) Screenplay Review: The F-Word

"Funny dialogue’s great, obviously, but it usually doesn’t work in another language." "But someone falling and hitting their head... that’s magical in every country."

Premise: Wallace and Chantry meet at a party and secretly develop feelings for each other. But neither will act on their lust... because Chantry has a boyfriend.

Written by: Elan Mastai (Based on the Play "Toothpase and Cigars" by T.J. Dawe and Michael Rinaldi)

Technical: 107 pages. November 28, 2007 draft.

There isn't much to "The F-Word" (as the title implies). Wallace and Chantry (both mid-20s) meet at a party. They get along well and eventually become good friends. The two obviously develop feelings for each other, but refuse to admit it to themselves, or anyone else, because Chantry has a boyfriend. The rest of the script is just Wallace and Chantry trying to repress their feelings for the other, with the intensity of Michelle Duggar being given a naked lap dance by Chris Hemsworth.

The script is cliche and unoriginal. Some especially baseless and dull parts are the animated scenes of Wallace and Chantry; usually exploring the characters' deepest thoughts about the other. The author's idea of "humour" makes toilet/slapstick jokes seem classy by comparison. (Every pore of this script, the humorous and non-humorous, oozes with immaturity.) Wallace, Chantry, and pretty much every character in the script is a hipster (in the worst possible way), and the two mains especially, love to speak in outlandish, juvenile riddle-banter ("So, I just did something disgusting." "Did it involve doing things to donkeys you should only do to people?")

"The F-Word" is utterly shallow, and nothing more than a stunning example of human shame and repression toward sexuality.

 I absolutely hated this. There is no reason for anyone to read this script.

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